A Decade in Japan: From Six Months to Forever

Ten years ago, I arrived at Narita Airport and began my new life in Japan. It's been quite a ride since then.

In June 2014, a contract I had been working on through my company, The Happy Geek Ltd, came to an end. I was looking for new work to pick up when I came across a job ad on GitHub Jobs for a company called Skill Up Japan (now called Allm Inc).

They wanted an experienced Ruby engineer with leadership and entrepreneurial experience and were offering relocation and visa support to come to Japan. I applied, interviewed twice, and got the job all in the space of about two weeks.

Moving to Japan was difficult. I have a twin brother, an awesome sister-in-law, and fantastic nephews back at home whom I love dearly. At the time, we had just recently welcomed my youngest nephew to the family. Leaving my family behind was a wrench - but the adventure in front of me was too tempting to pass up, and with the support and encouragement of my entire family, I went for it.

Initially, my plan was to stay for six months, as that was the minimum amount of time I could stay at the company without being on the hook for my relocation expenses. That plan quickly disappeared as I settled into a job I enjoyed with coworkers who were fantastic.

I moved to Shin-Okubo (Korea Town) and lived there for the first six months or so of my life in Tokyo. The apartment was awful: old, unmaintained, and had a roach problem (it was above a kinda gross restaurant). The apartment was one of those "expat rental" deals where you pay an all-inclusive rent/utilities fee and get a fully furnished apartment. It fulfilled the requirement for shelter, but it was not great.

I started Gay Agenda Japan to bring some funny quirks of gay life in Japan to the broader world (but mostly to sell some funny t-shirts).

After a six months, I was able to travel back home and surprise my family with a visit. Nobody knew I was coming. My brother was trilled to see me. So thrilled he punched me for not telling him I was coming, but as you can see from the picture below - we made up.

The trip was a short one, but I was able to grab some essential supplies to bring back to Japan. Mostly delicious snacks and drinks from home that I missed and couldn't easily get. Also a few bottles of whisky, and other essentials, like my Kilt.

After checking in with the family and getting into the swing of things, I realized it was time to move out of that awful apartment in Shin Okubo.

I saved up enough cash to get key money and a deposit together and moved out to my first real apartment, in Shinjuku 1-Chome, right next to the heart of one of the big gay neighborhoods in Tokyo.

During that time, I made some deep and lasting friendships. I also made some bad relationship choices and had a bit of a struggle with my mental health before finally getting myself together and settled. Overall, my time living in Shinjuku was a wonderful experience. I learned a lot about myself and the kind of life I wanted to lead.

I also learned that the friends I have made here are the best kind - ones who will tell you if you are fucking up, will support you when you need it, and generally be wonderful, fun, and wholesome people the rest of the time.

I think if there is one big lesson I can take from my life in Japan so far, it's that "found family" is a real thing. The family I have found here are ace.

Back to the story, my Dad came out to visit me in early 2016. That was his first trip to Asia ever and I think he enjoyed himself.

My brother visited for a while later in 2016. We were both going to Ruby Kaigi in Kyoto (he's an engineer too). It was awesome to introduce him to my friends and show him around my new home.

Halloween was always great fun. My friends and I would use my apartment as our staging area to get our costumes together and makeup applied to get some spooky (or silly) fun going. I found out that I love going all out for spooky zombie makeup - and one Halloween, I even met one of my idols - manga artist Gengoroh Tagame.

Then, one fateful year, a friend who had moved to Canada returned and had a karaoke party. There I met Dean, whom I would eventually become engaged to.

Dean is such a kind-hearted and wonderful man. My friends describe him as walking sunshine. I describe him as the best part of my life. I didn't expect to find love moving to Japan, never mind the man that I would be intending to spend the rest of my life with.

He's a lot more sporty and athletic than I am. Right now, he's an avid crossfitter and is doing great at it. He's also responsible for getting me into Magic The Gathering.

One of my proudest memories is cheering for him when he run the Spartan Race. Such a tremendous feat of endurance and stamina that I am still in awe of to this day.

Serendipity hit when both of our apartment leases were expiring at around the same time.

We moved in together to a lovely apartment in Shoto, Shibuya, and stayed there for about four and a half years before we had to move due to the property being sold. The views from the front and back balconies of that apartment were truly exceptional. Around the time of us moving in together, I changed jobs and have spent the last six and a half years working at Tripla K.K.

We're still living together elsewhere in Shibuya, closer to Yoyogi Park. But that place in Shoto will always be special to me. It was our first home together, and where my Dad stayed with us when he visited for the Rugby World Cup.

In 2018 we went to Scotland for a surprise visit. It was my Dad's 60th and I wanted to surprise him and introduce Dean to the rest of the family, some of my oldest friends, and my old hometown.

One thing I still miss about home is the long summer days. In Japan the sun never stays out long. Even in summer, it is usually dark well before 7pm. Back home at the height of summer, it never really gets pitch black at night and there is daylight enough until 9pm.

We started planning our wedding around this time. Our initial plan was to get married in summer, 2019.

The coronavirus pandemic managed to be a big problem for our planned nuptials, and we had to postpone the wedding.

We arranged meetups over zoom with friends and had drinking parties, our own in jokes. One memorably bad failed attempt at online Karaoke. The pandemic was a trying period, but thanks to Dean and our wonderful friends - we all kept our sanity and were able to move through it.

Recently, Dean and I went to Thailand a few times and had an excellent experience. So much so that we've both been back several times. I didn't think I would ever visit another city that could feel as homey and lovely as Edinburgh or Tokyo - but Bangkok is pretty amazing.

Now Dean and I are looking onwards to see what our future together will look like.

We'll be getting married very soon. We already did the Shibuya civil union thing - but we want a wedding and will make sure it happens.

I'm currently applying for permanent residence in Japan. That means that I will be able to live here indefinitely, without needing to have a specific job.

From six months, to forever, I feel like I have really put down strong roots here. My life in Tokyo is amazing - thanks to my wonderful friends and my loving and silly Dean.

Even though there have been some recent challenges with my health due to an injury, overall I am optimistic about what the future will bring.

I hope maybe we'll end up with a puppy too. A puppy would be nice. He will be named Buttons.